Stabber
01-21-2016, 10:51 AM
on math
A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence, and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little Vito.
He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top
and sucking the cone The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
LITTLE VITO ON MATH
Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks Little Vito's father?
"The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'?. I said '6," replies Little Vito.
"But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks Little Vito's father..
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE VITO ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of
hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice correctly.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my
mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it"
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautiful."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on
Little Vito. He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my
father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
LITTLE VITO ON GETTING OLDER
Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to him,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you
acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Vito answered, "No, He minded his own fucking business".
A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence, and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little Vito.
He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top
and sucking the cone The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
LITTLE VITO ON MATH
Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks Little Vito's father?
"The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'?. I said '6," replies Little Vito.
"But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks Little Vito's father..
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE VITO ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of
hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice correctly.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my
mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it"
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautiful."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on
Little Vito. He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my
father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
LITTLE VITO ON GETTING OLDER
Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to him,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you
acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Vito answered, "No, He minded his own fucking business".