Morris
Morris' wife Rachel came home early and found Morris in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Rachel was upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a Get (Jewish divorce) right away!"
Morris replied, "Hang on just a minute Rachel so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed,"but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And Morris began -- "Vell, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she vas very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
"She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the potato latkes I made for you last night, the food you vouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on veight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
"Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
"Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer outfit that I gave you a few years ago, but won't wear, because you say it’s too tight. I also gave her the sexy underwear that vas your anniversary present, which you don't wear because you said I have lousy taste.
"I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Chanukah that you don't wear, just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has the same pair."
Morris took a quick breath and continued - "She vas so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, mister, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'"
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