Irish Alzhiemers

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn come to church every Sunday I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. so, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat than Burn in Hell, right ?"

Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."

Well, Here goes Stabber screw-ups:D

Wrong place, Sorry

Good story Stabber --Try Another-- Two old Irish Lassies were out digging up 'Taters.One pulls up two HUGE tubers out of the earth and says to the other,You know,hefting these ,one in each hand, reminds me of the testicles on me late husband.The other Lass says,Good Lord , you mean his testicles were that big? No,she replied, that dirty !Dave.

A man walks into a pub with an ostrich and a pussy cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat."
The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!"
So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky.
Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?"
The man replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever."
"What did you wish for?" enquires the barman.

"A long-legged bird with a tight pussy…"

After two drinks,a pair of Irish lads walk out of a bar.Dave.